Things they don't tell you about dying... but should.

Being a pastor I've found myself close to death often. Close to the final moments of a loved one's life, or the intimate raw moments once they have passed. 

These moments are heavy, sacred, emotionally charged and often a huge revealer of the strength and connectedness of a family, or lack there of. 

Those moments as tough as they are, I'm learning how to lead through, they're never easy but the shock is getting a little less each time. 

This post has nothing to with those moments, we're still days, possibly weeks, away from those precious moments. This post is about the ugly, vulnerable, awkward, hilarious moments leading up to that. I've been told by my therapist and my wife I struggle to identify and express my emotions and often cope with humor, so here's my best effort to cope via humor on these beautiful yet emotionally exhausting final moments of my dear grandfather's life. 

But first, some context, I know we all have grandparents, some folks view them like a stray cat that comes around every now and then looking for attention, others are like superheroes. Bigger than life figures that the family grows in the shadow of and launches from. Some are just super weird and annoying. 

My grandpa, is bigger than life. He's the patriarch of our family and we are who we are because of who he is. He's the man in our eyes and words cannot express our deep love, appreciation, and admiration for him. 

But that's enough about him for now, cause... my eyes are developing pressure and I'm not ready to tap that keg yet. So now to stuffing emotions deep down and to cover them with humor. 

Here's some things I'm learned these past two weeks about how death knocks before opening the door. 

• Did you know in this season you forget things! Like that you turned your faucet on and can flood your entire house. 
• Did you know sometimes you get confused, roll out of bed, get stuck on the ground, that's also currently flooded, can't get yourself back up, and in a stroke of genius set off your car alarm till your neighbors get tired of hearing it to check on you, only to break into your house to discover a screen that's a cross from the "Wet Bandits'" handy work in Home Alone and a murder sceen, cause of course you're on blood thinner, got a cut and blood + Water... well. That's a lot of moping and cleaning. 
• Did you know in your final season you slowly shift from making sense with what you're saying, to nonsense and the loved ones around you spend about half their day playing a weird game of "what's he saying" 
• Did you know it's hard to wake up sleeping adults in another room to help you pee. And when you do finally wake up, you might just get offered hearing aids.  
• Did you know Hospice "officially recommends" a soup pan and spoon to help wake up family members. 
• Did you know you can have a heart attack because of a soup pan and spoon at 2 am. 
• Did you know a giant jingle bell does not work to replace a soup pan. Because when you're confused it's easy to try and use a Giant jingle bell as a pee pan, which works horribly. 
• Did you know you can wash giant jingle bells?
• Did you know you also can get a lot of gas in this season, and when someone is having to walk very closely behind you to help hold you up, they taste all of it...all. of. it. 

Those are a few of my current observations from this beautifully painful season. So beyond grateful to have been loved and to love someone enough to be invited into these moments.  

I'm sure more post will come, but for now I've got a giant jingle bell to dry... or throw away.